"The family is not the weight.
The concern for our family is the weight." -John Bevere
As I sat and enjoyed my cup of coffee with a friend, she spoke of people that intimidated her to the point of her getting up, and walking out of a store, a restaurant, or even church.
While my fingers were leafing through scripture to find words of encouragement to share with her, I looked up to see the woman who once intimidated me not only in public places, but even in my own home.
Shunning is apart of my life. If you've walked the life as a Jehovah's Witnesses and then chose to walk a different life you know the feeling all to well.
I use to feel anger in those moments.
I use to cry myself to sleep over those occasions in my life.
Today I feel more than one emotion.
1st respect. I respect my mom.
I do not want to cause her embarrassment.
I do not want her to be pulled aside at a later date, and questioned as to why she spoke with her disfellowshipped daughter.
2nd saddened. I am saddened that she is lost.
I pray for my mom
that someday the veil will be torn before her eyes, and she will see, recognize, and respond to truth.
My father who has been gone for over 13 years now, was never a devout Jehovah's Witness.
He tried for my mothers sake, but could never conform.
It is easier to go through, move through, the emotion of the loss of a parent when you know they are gone.
You somehow learn to cope and deal with the pain.
The emotion and pain that comes with shunning, is gut wrenching each and every time.
You go throw the loss each and every encounter.
You wonder when the next face to face opportunity will present it's self.
Will it be on your front door, in a public place,
or side by side in your vehicle at a red stop light?
Your natural instinct as a child is to reach out your hand, in hopes that mom will grab on to yours.
You extend both arms for the embrace of a warm hug, instead you brush against a cold shoulder.
Or from across the room, the daggers in the eyes speak loud and clear that as we approach "I will look down or look away."
Shunning, denial, and rejection is just a part of life.
That is why I look up and look to Him, because my Lord tells me;
"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first." John 15:18 NLT
...there is one that sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24. NIV
...there is one that will not fail me or abandon me.
Deuteronomy 31:6. NLT
Isaiah 49:15 says;
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"
When I am in need of love, comfort, compassion, worth, grace and mercy.
I look up to my Lord Christ Jesus.
I know my heavenly Father
is watching over me
each and every day