Living* Breathing* Knowing*

is ashamed.

Of Me.

Ashamed I didn't succeed.
Ashamed I failed.
Ashamed I didn't fulfill.
Ashamed I was a let down.
Ashamed I couldn't do as good as...
Ashamed I won't return.
Ashamed of what I became.
Ashamed of what I will become.
Ashamed that after all that hard work...
Ashamed after all that effort........
Ashamed she didn't become
 the daughter I always dreamed of.

The guilt she carries with her, when others look upon her.
The embarrassment she feels
 knowing her daughter didn't stick it out.
The regret she takes on, 
telling herself she didn't do her job right 
as a mom in raising her daughter.
The humiliation of having a daughter
 who wasn't one of the good ones.

The loneliness, the emptiness she must feel.
The wanting, the yearning to have her daughter by her side.
The wishing to turn back the hands of time.
To be able to do it all over again.
To raise her again.

What about the others?
The other 5 she gave birth too.
I'm sure she feels that way about them also.

She believes whole heartedly she is on the narrow road.
But blindly she is on the wide road leading to destruction.
She prays whole heartedly for her apostate daughter.
But what the father of lies is keeping from her, 
is that her daughter has found the Truth.
She works so hard in her old age fully convinced
 she is practicing Matthew 24:14.
But yet turning in her time slip as regular pioneer 
she is deceived yet another month and another year
 that by her works she will be looked upon differently.

That maybe, just maybe
 with this month along with last months 
along with the past decades of years
 piling up it may just be enough.

My mom has not experienced grace.
My mom does not understand mercy.
My mom has yet to feel love. 
I pray that "The Truth" 
will be revealed to her some day soon.
Time is short, and is running out.
I do not know when Christ will return.
I pray there will come a day when my mom is not ashamed.

Matthew 7:13,14  John 8:44  John 14:6 
 Matthew 24:14  Ephesians 2:8,9  Matthew 24:36

No comments:

Post a Comment