The Memorial Service

Why am I continually invited each year, even though I've been gone for so long? 
Am I being invited to come and hear about Jesus? 
You will hear a message about Jesus but a false Jesus.
A Jesus you have to deny.

Ultimately the hope is...
That I will reconsider.  
The I will return to Jehovah.  
That I will come back to the Organization.
 My family is hoping that I will see friends and other family members in attendance and long to return to the people and things I once had in my life.

It has been many many years since I sat through a memorial service.
That last memorial service...I remember sitting through that service and my mind once again became confused and foggy. 
My heart began to twist and my stomach began to turn.
I did... honestly... question why did I leave?
Should I return?
 Do I really have it all wrong?
Angry at myself for even contemplating these questions in my head.

The glares, the half smiles, the hidden half waves from family members. 
It was nothing but torture!
And before I could control it the deep sadness rumbling and rolling up out of my gut forming there way into the uncontrollable "Ugly Cry."
It was pure torture!

Before I knew it the basket of crackers and the ornate crystal glass of wine was now coming down my isle and all of the sudden I am 9 years old and all I could think about
was don't drop it, don't spill it, don't partake in it!

So many years had passed and there were still the soft whispers to see if "the one sister" was going to partake, because she was one of the 144,000.
How did she know?  Did God speak to her?  
She was in a place of honor, respect, reverence, she was chosen by God.

Wow! How do I get that?  Can I ever achieve that?  Would I ever qualify?

They were already selected and I was not one of them.

How did you know if you were one?
You just knew and if you questioned if you were
you were more than likely not one.

I was not chosen. I was not part of the "little flock."
I knew that the bread and wine were only for those that Jesus broke the bread with and those He drank the wine with, and the 144,000.  
It was not for anyone else.

The memorial service was one event that I always walked away from with so many questions.
But I would dare not ask a single one.

I wondered why Jesus would break His body for them and why not me?
I wondered why Jesus would pour out his blood for them and why not me?

I wondered why God would create all of us to only choose and pick a small number 144,000 to be with Him?

Always asking, always wondering...
Why wasn't I picked?

Seriously, is there anything I can do to be picked?

The answer is yes.

"He chose me in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.
In love he predestined me for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will. In him I have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins."

There is a way. 
I exercised my free will and chose Jesus Christ for my life.
I called on the name of Jesus and I was saved.

Jesus broke his body for you and me.  Jesus shed his precious blood for you and me.
He asked all of us who would believe in Him to do this in remembrance of Him. 
His covenant is for all humans who would so choose to believe in Him. 

He did it all for me!  He did it all for you! He was broken and bled for you and me!

Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing me to be with You for all eternity.
Thank you Lord Jesus for picking me.
Thank you Lord Jesus for coming down from heaven for me.
Thank you Lord Jesus for redeeming my life through your shed blood.
Thank you Lord Jesus for forgiving me of my sins.
Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me enough to die for me.

I will "do this in remembrance of You."

Ephesians 1:4-7, Romans 10:13, John 3:16-17, 
Luke 22:19-20, John 6:35-58, 1 Corinthians 11:23-26, 
Revelation 7

1 comment:

  1. "Amazing love, how can it be that You, my King, would die for me. It's my joy to honor You in all I do." I love that song and I love your heart for God.