Veracity

Lord as I penned the date in my writings and time with You this morning

and as I looked out and up at the gray skies that linger above

I am swept back in time 15 years ago.

They told me, and the audience before them;

“ As time passes, we would soon forget him

days would come and go where we wouldn't remember him.

That he tried to be one of us, he worked hard to be one of us

but never believed, never attained it

becoming a Jehovah Witness.”

Lord

You know the words that were spoken of my father the day he passed

and in the days that followed when the funeral came and went.

Tears poured out of me like an avalanche

the congregation saying;

“If you would only come back

all would be o.k.

I could handle my father's death so much better.”

The uncontrollable tears

were not because I missed the congregation

or wanted to go back.

I was broken

that my dad was not given the due respect or honor of his life.

That all were told; he would soon be forgotten.

15 years and yes it feels like 15 years; it has gone by so slow.

I miss him.

I am reminded of him every time

I look out at that willow tree

the last tree he planted in the spring before his passing that fall.

Sure things have flown by in these 15 years.

Sometimes my marriage feels like the daunting 15 years

that you can imagine.

More often though it seems like we were just married yesterday.

Because, You Lord

have reunited and rekindled that love.

15 years and 5 children later.

Yes feels like only yesterday that it all began.

But for the loss of my dad time has moved so slowly.

Lord, you know my dad was silent, he didn't have a voice.

Or maybe he did, but he never let us kids see it.

He tried so hard to please mom but never really could.

He never reacted. He never yelled. He was silent. He was compliant.

I hang on to the one card that was written by one of dad's co-workers that said;

“ Sonny, we know believed in the after-life.”

I know after life can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people.

But for dad; he worked with those guys for 30 + years

and I believe he shared with them at some point

what he believed about you Lord.

I can't know for sure, but I hope.

Lord, if my dad were here today this is what I would say to him

and if he is with you today

would you please pass these words on to him for me:

Dad I found The Truth!

It's not the one mom told us it was.

I found Jesus.

He told me in His Word, the Bible.

No man told me.

God told me Himself!

He is The Way

The Truth

and The Life

and no one can come to the Father except through me.*

That doesn't mean just saying “in Jesus name we pray” and I'm good to go.

Oh, no no it's so much more!

Dad, Jesus is real! Alive!

He is God; not just a man, not just a good teacher, not just a prophet.

He is so much more.

He is God!

I have seen the glory of God.

The whole earth is full of His glory.*

Dad I can't stay silent about this!

Yes, I have lost mom over this.

I pray to God all the time, every minute of every day it seems

and

I am in agreement with what God says about himself.

Yes some may want to call me a Jesus freak

but you know I've been called worse.

I can handle this one.

Dad I found the key to eternal life.

It's a relationship with Him.

It's spending time with Him.

It's living my life for Him.

It's adjusting and making myself available to Him.

It's agreeing and going about willingly doing

the things He asks of me to do and not do.

It's what I've found in the Bible.

I found that:

Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.*

It's knowing and accepting that:

The wages of sin is death

but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.*

And not fully comprehending but believing that:

God so loved the world

(that's me, that He loved me enough)

that he gave his one and only Son

that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.* *

Dad I know the I AM.*

The I Am the Bread of Life.*

The I Am the Light of the World.*

The I Am the Good Shepherd.*

The I am the Resurrection and the Life.*

The I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.*

The I am the True Vine.*

Dad I broke the generational curse

for my kids

your grandkids!

Oh dad, I miss you.

I wish they would have been able to

hug you

play with you

have you teach them things in your garage.

Dad I will do my best raising them in the ways of God.

It is my sole responsibility as a mom.

I know you would be proud.

I just want my Heavenly Father to be pleased as well.

Today I remember you, and one day has not gone by that I have forgotten you.

So what they said 15 years ago

was just another opportunity for me to believe yet another lie.

What was meant for evil

I trust and believe with my whole heart

that God will use it for good

the saving of many lives.*

I'm gonna go back and get 'em dad!

All in and through the power of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior!

Lord

Thank you for your love and comfort today.

Amen.

*John 14:6; Isaiah 6:3; Romans 10:13; Romans 6:23; John 3:16*my emphasis added

*Exodus 3:14 – John 8:58; John 6:35; John 8:12; John 10:11; John 11:25; John 14:6; John 15:1

*Genesis 50:20

Sunny, 79 degrees, and a light crisp breeze in the air.

The season went from winter to summer.

Some how spring this year didn't find its

way to this neck of the woods.

Every errand Mom had to do that day was on the opposite side of town.

Between appointments going back and forth, from pick ups and drop offs,

see had encountered

the same 4 way stop, the same intersection, the same turns; right going there, and left coming back.

4 times, in a span of 30 minutes.

While stopped at that intersection,

before she had ever noticed the marquee scrolling the events for the weekend

she noticed the little girl in her long white dress with her white cotton sweater, and the little boy all primed and ready in his blue suit

gingham checked shirt and tie holding mommy's hand.

Both eager to skip across the walk-way as soon as the signal gave way.

A tear instantly fell down her face knowing exactly who those children were.

That one tear instantly turned to hundreds

her eyes now cloudy

panicking

would she clear those tears

before the light turned green and she had to step on the gas and go.

Through all those tears she saw herself 31 years ago.

She was skipping.

She was happy.

She was eager to go across the walk-way.

She was doing what she knew life to be.

She didn't know

people were questioning her where abouts, or why she was in town.

She didn't know

she was different.

She didn't know

the whispers were about her.

She didn't know

the people on the streets passing her by in their cars

didn't know what she knew.

She thought everybody knew.

She thought everybody understood.

She didn't know that she was different.

She didn't know...

With the busyness of the day

daytime quickly turned to evening.

With the oldest daughter out working for the evening

and the other two daughters at a sleep over

they were left with only the two little boys on a Friday evening.

Mom says

"Let's go out to dinner. It won't cost as much we only have two of the kids tonight."

Dad says, "Sure why not."

Dad chooses the restaurant for the evening and they come to yet again

the same 4 way stop, the same intersection, the same turns, right going there, and left coming back.

Mom realizes it will be a long wait in the restaurant, and questions if it's even worth the time and effort.

She realizes; they have all been let out for the day.

As Mom enter's the restaurant with her family

she is surprised by how comfortable she feels.

The feelings of awkwardness are gone.

The feelings of being an outcast are gone.

The feeling of rejection is long gone.

The feeling of unwontedness is a thing of the past.

Mom is wearing a skirt.

They think she is one of them.

They think that she is one that has

been let out for the day.

To yet return tomorrow and the next.

But Mom doesn't have her badge on.

Still

Small hello's are exchanged.

Light friendly gestures are made.

Mom makes small conversation with the lady to the left of her

as each wait for their table to become ready.

Now 20 minutes into the meal.

Dad says: "I wonder how many were there today?"

I say: "7,620!"

Dad says (in shock, amazement, and shear unbelievablenes
(I know that's not even a word) :

"Ah-ha, you pretended to be one of them, when you were talking to that lady!"

I with a smile said;

"I will use what God gave me!"