15 Years Ago Today

Lord as I penned the date in my writings and time with You this morning
and as I looked out and up at the gray skies that linger above
 I am swept back in time 15 years ago.

They told me, and the audience before them;
 “ As time passes, we would soon forget him
days would come and go where we wouldn't remember him. 
 That he tried to be one of us, he worked hard to be one of us
but never believed, never attained it 
becoming a Jehovah Witness.”

 You know the words that were spoken of my father the day he passed
 and in the days that followed when the funeral came and went.

Tears poured out of me like an avalanche
 the congregation saying;
 “If you would only come back
all would be o.k. 
I could handle my father's death so much better.”

The uncontrollable tears 
were not because I missed the congregation
 or wanted to go back.
 I was broken
 that my dad was not given the due respect or honor of his life.
 That all were told; he would soon be forgotten.

15 years and yes it feels like 15 years; it has gone by so slow. 
 I miss him.
 I am reminded of him every time 
I look out at that willow tree
the last tree he planted in the spring before his passing that fall.

Sure things have flown by in these 15 years. 
 Sometimes my marriage feels like the daunting 15 years 
that you can imagine. 
More often though it seems like we were just married yesterday.
Because, You Lord
 have reunited and rekindled that love.
15 years and 5 children later.
 Yes feels like only yesterday that it all began.
 But for the loss of my dad time has moved so slowly.

Lord, you know my dad was silent, he didn't have a voice.
Or maybe he did, but he never let us kids see it. 
 He tried so hard to please mom but never really could.
 He never reacted. He never yelled. He was silent. He was compliant.

I hang on to the one card that was written by one of dad's co-workers that said;
 “ Sonny, we know believed in the after-life.” 
 I know after life can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. 
But for dad; he worked with those guys for 30 + years
and I believe he shared with them at some point
 what he believed about you Lord. 
I can't know for sure, but I hope.

Lord, if my dad were here today this is what I would say to him
 and if he is with you today
would you please pass these words on to him for me:

Dad I found The Truth!
 It's not the one mom told us it was.
 I found Jesus.
 He told me in His Word, the Bible.
No man told me.
God told me Himself!

  He is The Way
The Truth
 and The Life 
and no one can come to the Father except through me.*
 That doesn't mean just saying “in Jesus name we pray” and I'm good to go.
Oh, no no it's so much more!

Dad, Jesus is real! Alive!
He is God; not just a man, not just a good teacher, not just a prophet.
 He is so much more.
 He is God!

I have seen the glory of God.

The whole earth is full of His glory.*

 Dad I can't stay silent about this!
 Yes, I have lost mom over this. 
 I pray to God all the time, every minute of every day it seems
I am in agreement with what God says about himself. 
 Yes some may want to call me a Jesus freak
but you know I've been called worse.
 I can handle this one.
Dad I found the key to eternal life. 
 It's a relationship with Him.
 It's spending time with Him. 
 It's living my life for Him.
 It's adjusting and making myself available to Him.
 It's agreeing and going about willingly doing
the things He asks of me to do and not do. 

It's what I've found in the Bible.
I found that:
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.*

It's knowing and accepting that:
The wages of sin is death
but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.*

And not fully comprehending but believing that:
God so loved the world
 (that's me, that He loved me enough)
 that he gave his one and only Son
 that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.* *

Dad I know the I AM.*
The I Am the Bread of Life.*
The I Am the Light of the World.*
The I Am the Good Shepherd.*
The I am the Resurrection and the Life.*
The I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.*
The I am the True Vine.*

Dad I broke the generational curse
for my kids
 your grandkids! 
Oh dad, I miss you. 
 I wish they would have been able to 
hug you
play with you
have you teach them things in your garage.
 Dad I will do my best raising them in the ways of God.
It is my sole responsibility as a mom.
 I know you would be proud.
 I just want my Heavenly Father to be pleased as well.

Today I remember you, and one day has not gone by that I have forgotten you.
 So what they said 15 years ago
 was just another opportunity for me to believe yet another lie.

 What was meant for evil
 I trust and believe with my whole heart
 that God will use it for good
 the saving of many lives.*

 I'm gonna go back and get 'em dad!
 All in and through the power of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior!

Thank you for your love and comfort today.

*John 14:6; Isaiah 6:3; Romans 10:13; Romans 6:23; John 3:16*my emphasis added

*Exodus 3:14 – John 8:58; John 6:35; John 8:12; John 10:11; John 11:25; John 14:6; John 15:1

*Genesis 50:20


  1. Well written Melissa. He knows...Good Job. :)

  2. Meli, I am going to share this with those dealing with those they have lost as it seems to me you are really speaking from a place of strength and tenacity that God has given you! Keep publishing!