ME, MYSELF and I

who's to say what is good for MY life and what isn't?
choices. yes I make them, and yes I know there are consequences.
MY life! MY standards!
this is what makes ME happy. what makes ME thrive.
what makes ME comfortable! it's MY life! this is who I am!
I live a good life, it doesn't matter what she thinks,or what he says! I know in MY heart I'M good!
I always want to be good, and do good. god looks at the heart, anyway. right? god sees mine. god knows I have the best of intents. anyway god will judge. so what there all saying about me it doesn't matter really, in the end.

"So what your telling me is that you believe there is and end?"

well, ya!.............oh...,oh....?
isn't this all there is in life?  if I do good and be good, that's all that matters. I'll go to heaven.
I like who I am. I'M doing better now than the choices I use to make.  I'M settled down, I'M raising my family.  I'M not hurting anyone. I give when I can. I love those closest to me. I invest time into those I care about. I go to work, come home, none of that is wrong. what do I have to change?  if you don't like it oh-well. I was born this way. this is what I think! this is what I feel! your asking me to change everything I'M about?

but i do worry.  i do wonder about "in the end."

again anyway I'M good. I really am.  MY heart wants to do good. I want to be good.  isn't that enough?

but I wonder...what if I have it all wrong? am i going to heaven?  where is my dad?
what do i want people to know i stood for? what will be said in remembrance of me at my funeral? "the end."where will i go? where will i be?  what's going to happen to me!
you don't really see everything do you?"
"NO ONE CAN HIDE SO THAT I CAN'T SEE HIM,"DECLARES THE LORD."
"I FILL HEAVEN AND EARTH!'DECLARES THE LORD." Jeremiah 23:24 really?
"I MADE ALL THE DELICATE, INNER PARTS OF YOUR BODY AND KNIT YOU TOGETHER IN YOU MOTHER'S WOMB.  YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, I SAW YOUR UNFORMED BODY.  EACH DAY OF YOUR LIFE WAS RECORDED IN MY BOOK, EVERY MOMENT WAS LAID OUT BEFORE A SINGLE DAY HAD PASSED."
so..you made me? so..you knew how I would act, how I would be and you didn't consider me a mistake or an accident? you could of done away with me, but you didn't?
"MY THOUGHTS OF YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS, THEY CANNOT EVEN BE NUMBERED!" PSALM 139:13-17 
"Me coming to this earth was no accident. The second their lips hit that apple, and those teeth bit in. Sin entered in. There was only
ONE WAY to take it away. I knew how I would redeem everything, everyone. you."
how? a plan? for me? really?
"While on the cross, one cried out-and he is with ME in paradise."
i want that. to be where i'm suppose to be. where i fit. where i belong.
paradise? heaven? what about paradise earth? I'm confused? everlasting life?  eternity?
you and me together?
FOR THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH; BUT THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. Romans 6:23 KJV      but

what do I have to do? what is required of ME? what do I have to give up? I don't know. I'm not sure. 

OH GOD, YOU KNOW MY HEART; TEST ME AND KNOW MY ANXIOUS THOUGHTS.  POINT OUT ANYTHING IN ME THAT OFFENDS YOU, AND LEAD ME ALONG THE PATH OF EVERLASTING LIFE. Psalm 139:23-24

"I gave my life for you, no one else has ever done that for you."
"I would do it all over again, even if it was just for you, and nobody else."
you want me? you will take me? you want to be with me?
"YES"
wait... until I'm better, wait.. till I start to do better, once I get it all together, I'll be back I have to go----I need to go get ready, start being a better person.



Psalm 139:13-17, 23-24 parts taken from the NIV and NLT.  This prayer/cry is from King David.  
This was one of my many prayers/conversation with/ to God before I began to walk with Him. 
(All Emphasis is mine and personalized.)