Not better, not more put together, not even worthy.
I've been searching, when I thought I would be fixing.
They offered it to me for a time. Strong arms, a place to lay my head.
Safety? Security? Is this what it's suppose to be like?
The bottom of a bottle. I found a calm, a peace. Temporary, yes. But found. The moment.
Only to awake yet another day-to my chaos, my demise, my life.
I hunger for it, I've been searching forever for it. What is it...?
I know. I won't care. I will be bitter, you don't even have a clue.
I will hate, I know hate. I will judge, it's so easy to do.
Judgment hiding behind every corner, creeping over my every breathe,
jumping out at every step.
I know screaming matches. I know a house that lived "unequally yoked."
Feeling alone and undiscovered, at every door knocked on, and
every friendship I could of made.
I have looked every which way. To the left-To the right-To the front-Even behind.
Where am I going wrong? Chaos created for me. The only steps I know to take.
The regret-The turmoil-The disappointment-The torment-The tears-The hurt.
Spiraling Down! Life a trap! The lot I've been given!
I can't hold this up anymore! It's so heavy. Death-Come! Come NOW and take me away!
"FORGIVEN!" "If you can't take it anymore-Come! Come-bring it to Him-Jesus!
Drop it at His feet. Come now-don't wait-don't hesitate. Come NOW!"
"I can't go! What will they think? What will they say? Everyone looking at me!
Seeing me! Seeing my sin, seeing me, seeing right through , piercing my soul!
I can't, I can't! I was suppose to be ready this time."
"O.k. if the pastor asks one more time, I'll go for sure. He won't say it again. I hope he doesn't ask again. I'm feeling something, like I should go, but I can't, I won't! God if your real, if your there, Please hear this one, Don't have him say COME again!"
"Come! If you hesitated-Come. Another chance! Come. This isn't about me, it's not about those around you, this is about you and God, this is between you and Jesus! Come!
Give your life to Him! Let Him take over! Give it to Him-Give it all to Him!
Hmm! An Unanswered Prayer!
I wanted better. I wanted to be better. I wanted more out of life. I wanted more for my life. I wanted more in my life. I want more for my kids, my family, my marriage. I have a responsibility to my kids, to my family. Oh, what do I do.....? What do I have to lose?
One direction I never looked. Up!-Please don't let me down!
A flood rushed over me-
I felt safe-I felt love-I felt a new peace, a real peace-I felt calm- I felt forgiven...
I was forgiven- I am forgiven-I knew and believed I was indeed forgiven!
and I haven't looked back since!!!
LOOK UP-and DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!
Psst, and thank you Jesus, for that unanswered prayer!