Merry Christmas

What a breath of fresh air

to say the words

Merry Christmas!

Look at this picture and tell me 

what's wrong with it?
(psst.. nothing.)

Look at this picture and tell me

what memories flash through your mind?

To those of you reading this post
 and were never a Jehovah's Witness

 you would not be able to find anything wrong with these pictures.

You former Jehovah's Witnesses

already know all to well what I am going to say.

What's wrong with the picture is

you couldn't color it.

What's wrong with the picture is

that when it was passed out
and all the Christmas festivities
 were just about to begin in your classroom

you were sent out to the hallway
or the library only to hear, the laughter

and the squeals of Christmas day arriving.

What's wrong with the picture is

when you looked at it
 the voice in your head reminded you
 "that coloring page was from Satan."

When you sat in that library
waiting to get called back in the room
passer-by's

like the school janitor or a student walking to the restroom

looking at you
asking
"Why are you out here and not in the classroom?"

All I remember each and every year
each and every holiday
each and every birthday
 dropping my head and saying

"I can't. I'm not allowed."

What's wrong with the picture

is I never got to color one.

What's wrong with the picture

is that it represented
I never belonged.

What's wrong with the picture

is that it represented
I wasn't accepted.

What's wrong with the picture

is that I could never say to you

Merry Christmas!

But today I say with tears streaming down my face

Merry Christmas to you!

Christ came born of the virgin Mary.

By way of the Holy Spirit.
His coming is a
true labor of love.

Christ willingly came down
 to this earth
so that we may believe in Him.
Accepting Him
is the best gift you will ever open.
Receiving the gift of eternal life is the best gift ever.

Open your present of eternal life today
and be present with Him now and forever!

He is the reason I write this to you today.

He is the reason I breathe.

He is the reason I get up everyday.

He is the reason I am forgiven.

He is the reason I hold my head up.

He is the reason the only reason

I can say to you

Merry Christmas!

Thank you Jesus for being born.

 Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus!

Focused

Each holiday season, brings different emotions.

Some years I'm focused and others not so much.

This is one of those not so much years.

As I began planning our Thanksgiving dinner and 

checking with each of the kids what favorite dishes they wanted on the table

 and which ones they would like to help prepare.

The feeling began to set in.

The frustrated, disappointed one.

The one where I am reminded

 that my children don't have grandparent houses to go too.

I don't bring a dish, I make the dishes.

The one where I am reminded

my family has been torn down to the 3rd and 4th generations.

But I buckle down and focus

on the things I am thankful for.

I am away from judgement. 

I am away from demands.

I am away and free to give Thanks.

I am no longer answering to man, I now answer to God.

I now

 am able to call, God; 

God

Mighty God

Jehovah

 Jesus

 Lord

 Wonderful Counselor

 Everlasting Father

 Prince of Peace.

I stand in Truth today.

Instead I remind myself and focus not only on 

what I've been delivered from

but what I am being delivered too.

FOCUSED.

As we settle in for our Thanksgiving meal

I look around the table and of course I am blessed.

 Beyond all measure.

Above, over, and abundantly.

FOCUSED.

But no family.

No mother, no father, no brothers, no aunts or uncles, 

no cousins for my kids to connect with.

Disappointed.

 Torn.

As the phone calls, e-mails, and Facebook messages come-in

  friends, and church family all ringing the same sound;

 "I know your busy running around, and so are we, but wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving."

I am blessed because they have thought of me.

They help keep me

FOCUSED.

As Thanksgiving ends and I begin the preparations for Christmas

I once again lose focus.

No houses or festive events to scurry to.

No grandparents

calling to say what can we get the kids.

See this cult destroys down into the generations.

It eats at the human psyche.

It leaves you frustrated, confused, and angry at times.

It makes you lose focus from time to time.

But see that's just what Satan wants

when your there he's got you.

Again!

Don't let him have this holiday season!

Take it back!

FOCUS.

Each time I come around this corner, or hit this wall.

I am reminded to forgive and focus.

Forgive because that's what Christ did for me.

Focus on what is unseen and what is to come.

I know 

that my future grandchildren

 they will not have to experience what it's like to not have grandparents 

not at just the holidays, but all through out the year

 and for that I am thankful.

Be focused this holiday season.

Forgive that sister or brother.

That mom or dad.

Those past hurts.

Those past regrets.

Why?  

Because you can.

Because it's what Christ did.

Christmas isn't Christmas

without Him.

Why do you think He came?

Focus and Forgive.

 Isaiah 9:6, Matthew 18:21-23, Luke 2, 2 Corinthians 4:18

It Is Only Now

They told me the shunning would help in bringing me back.

I was told shunning would bring me to repentance.

Repentance before man.

Of all the hard things

the worst
 is the shunning.

"For if I do not repent before man

then the congregation will shun you

along with family too."

"Forget the one wondering lost sheep

she has chosen to go her own way."
"Don't worry this will make her come back."

That ploy did not work on me.

Shunning pushed me further away.

Falling into all kinds of rebellion.

Wanting desperately to receive

just one look

just one word

 even a negative word

 just to get some sort of reaction

some sort of communication
some kind of response.


Nothing. Shunned.

By there shunning
  they believe they have won.

Believing they have the upper hand on me.

They are right and I am wrong.

They are
 "In the Truth"

and I am an apostate.

Truth be told;
For I can not be an apostate

because 

 I was never told the Truth.

I can only be an apostate
 if I 
talk against, deny, or blaspheme

the Truth of

 my Lord and Saviour Jesus.

For that I have not done
for I did not know Him at that time. 

It Is Only Now
 that I have discovered

The Truth.

It Is Only Now

that I know
 I was chosen and set apart.

For 
It Is Only Now

 that I understand

 that I would leave

 my mother and brothers to follow Christ.

For
 It Is Only Now 
that I believe

 with my entire

heart

mind

body 

soul and spirit 

that I was brought to this place for 
God to show me 

that what they enemy meant for evil 
 God will make for good

the saving of many lives.

And 
It Is Only Now
that I will never turn back and always go forward

because God picked me out as his from the very start.

  Think of it: included in God's original plan of salvation 
by the bond of faith in 

THE LIVING TRUTH.

So
 now I take a firm stand
 feet on the ground
 and head high.  

Keeping a tight grip
 on what I've been taught
because 
 Jesus himself and God the Father

 have reached out in love to me
with an unending help and confidence
 and
put a fresh heart in me.

From this Living Truth I will never leave.

John 15:16, Luke 14:25-27, Genesis 50:20

2 Thessalonians 2:13-17-The Message Bible

Emotion, Memories, Questions, Love, and Hope

Every year for the past 14 years

I have woken up on

 November 6th

knowing that day will be a day filled with 

emotion

memories

questions

 love

and 

hope.

My heart tugs

 because I didn't put a sentiment in the paper 

and I didn't get out to my dad's grave.

I'm bewildered

 because just 4 days after that on the 10th

 I will be thinking about

 my eldest brothers passing just 4 years ago.

I want to call my mom

but life from her perspective

I am disfellowshipped

and

I am an appostate.

No longer in touch no contact.

It astonishes me

 the emotion

 and questions

that come with being raised in a cult.

Especially ones regarding death.

Heaven and Hell.

I don't sit there long in the 

emotions and questions.

Instead I embrace

the memories 

and the love.

There are many memories

 I can draw upon as a child regarding family

 times that were good.

I didn't know any different, so all was good.

We loved the way we were taught to love.

So it seemed o.k. 

It seemed normal.

We had our family banter and sarcasm's.

We had our nick-names and share of family dramas.

When dad passed 

 all the chaos that surrounded that event

Jehovah Witnesses stepping in and pushing aside family.

Brother fighting against brother

wanting dad's things.

Claiming it each as his own.

In those moments

I quietly slipped into the entry way

 from the garage to the house

and grabbed one of my dad's flannels. 

The one I remember him in all the time.

It is blue and red.

He wore it to the hospital the day I had Chelsea.

He wore it every time I went to the house.

He had it on every time I hugged him.

I can go to it today and in some

mysterious way

it still holds his scent.

I love you Dad!

When the time came

 that my oldest brother passed.

The same chaos's rose up once again.

This time I was sad in a different way.

I didn't know my brother.

We were 16 years apart.

He the oldest brother out of 5.

And me the 6th. The baby girl.

He was married and out of the house

before memories came into play.

But on that sad day as we laid him to rest

family sat and talked and reminisced.

I was told in those moments

how much he talked about me 

through out his life.

His baby sister-Tweety.

My nick name given to me by him.

How he loved to take me as a baby

 and buy me pretty dresses and dress me up.

How he loved his baby sister.

Things I never knew until it was to late.

I love you Randy!

It was too late because a cult has ripped our family to pieces.

And all the love I have

 and want to give

May never be expressed.

May never be relayed in a way I would so love to give it.

But there is always hope.

And that is what I hang on to each and everyday.

But By God!

But by God

 and it is only through him 

his love 

his mercy

 his grace

that I love!

We Will All Confess and Give Account

You deny Him now.

What makes you think 

when you are on your death bed

 you will cry out and accept Him then?

Do you really think

 it will easier then
 when your dying?

Why do you wait?

Why do you wait for the end?

 The most devastating time in your entire life.

Why do you say, I'll leave it up for chance?

Why?
 When quite frankly now 

your life is devastating to you.
You are dying a slow death even now.

   You live a life of confusion and pain
and

you're just hoping it will all go away

 like a puff of smoke in the air.

 Hope or chance
 you don't have either 

if you don't take a chance.
 Take a chance
 a step
 towards Christ this time around.

The only One who can save you

 and give you
 a true hope

 for the right now

   and a hope for the future.

 It's found only in Jesus
 He is your only Savior.

You look for more around every corner

search for something to pass the time

 always seeking to fill the void.

Why not give Christ a try, you've got nothing to lose.

  You've got everything to gain.

What is it?

 Fear? 

 The unknown?

 Surrendering?

I get that!

I guarantee you

 The fear
it will be gone the moment you believe.

 The unknown
 will now be known.

 and
 surrendering
 your almost there. 

Take a bow now, don't wait until it's to late.

You've filled your life 

with anything and everything 

you can possibly get your hands on.

You've been told over and over

 time and time again 

 you can't take it with you. 

Take Christ with you.

Still

 really 

you want to try to convince me

 that it will be easier on that day 

when you come face to face with Him

 that it will be easier to accept Him.

You really have that much strength and confidence in yourself

to fall for that trick too?

What makes you think you can 

accept Him as Jehovah

 and not as LORD ALMIGHTY Jesus

 ruler and savior over all?

You're telling me
you get to pick and choose what Deity you like best?

You get to deny and accept what you want.

You know what, I guess you do.

You have been given free will

and you are exercising it

ever so self righteously.

Have you ever been in a court room and observed a judgment passed down
  and the consequence was in part just.
   Should the sentence have been more?

You got off, easier.
  Easier than the laws that are set.

Know
God is a just God.
Judgement Day will come.

Why not hand it all over today. 

 Every
 sinful thing 

you are indeed guilty of

 and let Him

 forgive it and redeem it.

Don't wait for judgement day.

Let Him
 make it for good
now, today, and in the days ahead
for all eternity.

Watch, wait, look, and see

 what he can do with that heap of garbage.

He's known for making beauty from ashes.

I stand and live and breath

 that very truth

 that very miracle

 then drop to my knees 

in great thanksgiving

 because He is merciful and just.

We will all confess and give an account.
 Romans 14:11-12.

Sleepless Nights

As the pinks and purples rise in the east

 I blink and realize I am given one more day.

Each blink I blink

each stretch I take

 I am reminded of the night.

  The night I seem to have over and over

 but lately more recently.

Today is a day I don't have the strength.

The strength to process the night

 and forgive yet again.

If only they would see I still love them

and after nights like this

 wondering if I could ever be loved.

When all I've ever heard is that your not worth
 anything or enough.

Not enough to hang on to

not  enough to want to talk to me

not enough to do things with me.

Shunned for another year.

Those years have turned into a decade
 for some
 and with others two.

If they truly saw my heart

they would see the love I have for them

 is just a pinch
 of the kind of love
they have been searching for all their life.

 Yet I'm held at arms length.

The love I have and want to give

 will forever be there 

waiting to burst forth 

and spill over at just a look.

The words don't even have to be spoken. 

 I'll know by the look.

But I do find the strength.

The strength to get up.

The strength to forgive.

The strength to continue this path I'm on.

I'm not really sure
 how I finally ended up
 on the right side of the road this time.

 But I like it here.

In fact I love it here, and wouldn't trade it for anything.

A road where grace and mercy abound even in my weakest moments.

I will continue to stand
 and wave my white flag

and surrender
 to the only
One
 I know will win the battle for me.
 And when I can't
I know who I can call on to help continue the battle
with me.

I will stand until the sunsets yet again

 and pray that I will be granted one more day
 to continue what God has started in me.

Jehovah-Nissi

The LORD our Banner.

Philippians 4:13

Exodus 17:8-16

Jeremiah 29:11

Philippians 1:6

Images found on Google Images

SHE DOES NOT KNOW

"Although many people can contribute

 to the process of creating a significant purpose;

it is a child's parents that carry the greatest

potential for influence.

Dr. Tim Kimmel- Grace Based Parenting

As I sit yet again through the 10 week study of 

Grace Based Parenting.

(Yes my second time! I desperately need it!)

My thoughts turn toward not my parenting this time;

but toward the way my parents were with me

growing up.

Reflecting. Processing. Wondering.

"It is a child's parents that carry 

the greatest potential for influence."

I believe this statement.

Sure I could go down the laundry list of bads

 and not so goods.

However this time in my thinking, I reflect on the good.

First and foremost you must understand my mom.

Her thoughts

Her eyes

Her love

Her ears

are all veiled.

She does not know.

So as she sits in her winged back chair

and studies 

and underlines

and reads

and prays.

She does not know.

She does not know

 the severity of the loss.

She does only what she is told.

She does not know

What a Savior is

or 

Who the Savior is.

She did the best she could, with what she has been told,

and sadly

with what she has forever believed in

the Jehovah Witness Organization.

She has studied over pages of magazines and books

for 45 + years now.

One thing she influenced me in

was reading the bible.

Even though what she is reading is false.

The principle of

The impact of

reading her bible daily

has been the biggest influence in my life.

So even today as this long journey continues and we are separated.

I can stand and give honor to my mom 

for the influence

that came from her.

And this also

She does not know.

So take the bad and let God make it for good.

Genesis 50:20

Honor your father and mother.

Ephesians 6:2

The Meaning of a Pink Rose:

Appreciation. "Thank you", Grace, Admiration

Thank you Mom.

Believe

When I was asked to share with a group of girls,

"What does it look like to forgive yourself?"

The first word that came to mind 

was

BELIEVE.

I knew that in my life journey of forgiving

myself and others

I knew I needed to believe something 

different than what I was currently 

BELIEVING.

When you've spent the greater part of your years

in a valley or you've descended

down into a pit

you become conditioned to 

learn

know

and believe 

that place.

We take residence up in it and call it home.

You decorate it just so
 to distract you 

from the pain

from the hurt.

You take it on 

as truth

as life

or like I've said many times

"This is the life I've been given, my lot in life, so live with it

make the most of it."

But then I heard a whisper.

A voice I didn't know, but wanted to.

A voice I longed to hear, now present.

It told me "I was believing a lie."

It told me "I was believing what others said about me."

It told me "It wasn't my fault."

It told me "This is NOT my lot in life."

It told me "To believe something new, something true."

It told me that I needed

 "to take my thoughts captive and bring them to this voice."

Who are you?

This whisper, this voice

was strong but gentle

was deep but heavenly.

He told me I needed

"To demolish all this chaos in my mind."

He told me I needed

"To not worry about anything, instead pray to Me about everything."

He told me

"Let Me transform you into a new person by changing the way you think."

He told me

"Think about things that are wonderful, true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Because this is what I think of you Melissa."

He told me

"Trust me from the bottom of your heart, don't try to figure out everything on your own.  

Listen for My voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; I'm the one who will keep you on track.

Don't assume that you know it all.  Run to God, Me, your Father in heaven!

 Run from Evil!

Dear Child of Mine

I want you to say these very words

I am

Breaking

Every

Lie

Intentionally

Evoked

Violently on

Me.

BELIEVE

You are my child and I never meant any harm to come upon you.

What the enemy meant for evil, I will make for good.

"There comes a time to drive a stake in the ground
 and lay claim to 
one life 

one focused goal

 and 

one God."

 Choose to 

BELIEVE

Him!"

2 Corinthians 10:5-NIV

Philippians 4:6-NLT

Romans 12:2-NLT

Philippians 4:8-NLT

Proverbs 3:5-7-The Message Bible

"Beth Moore Quote"

NIV-New International Version

NLT-New Living Translation

"Not for Us"

Do you remember reading through The Watchtower and Awake and when scripture was referenced;  being told
"But that's not for us."

Do the words

"Those verses were meant for bible times, not for today."

What about

"But we obey this, and follow that because it's in scripture."

It was always so confusing for me
 to remember

what parts of the bible were for me
and what parts weren't.

I remember my bible being more of a reference book
 that I went to on occasion.

I remember sitting at the dining room table
preparing my talks for Thursday nights.

I had all my concordances out
my Reasoning from the Scriptures book out
 studying those books, but never really looking into the bible.

Fast Forward 20 years..........

For the word of God is quick, and powerful...

When the scales fell from my eyes

and the veil was torn before me

God's word flooded me, it came quick.

It was so powerful it moved me
literally to my feet,
and to my knees.

As I went to an old copy of the Reasoning from the Scriptures book.
There it was.

All of it.

The re-wording, and the deleted words.

God's word came and pierced me, it divided everything I had ever known.

Sure the letters that Paul wrote to the Church in Corinth (the Corinthians)
 the Church of Ephesus (Ephesians).
Sure that's who he was writing to.
But God in his infinite being
was giving these words to ALL of us, for the past 2000 + years!
The Word of God is eternal!

"Sure Paul had his audience, but God had a whole lot bigger audience."*1

ALL the words in the bible are for me and for you!
Not a selected few.  We all have the right to know "The Truth."
See I cried out to the Lord, in my anguish and in my confusion and He
sent forth his Word and healed me.

"Trying to simplify the infinite? You will never have authority over the Word of God."*2

I can't believe there was a point in my life
 where I believed that I knew every single thing God knew, and what He meant.

 That I had authority to tell you;
"Just the way it is."

I had Jehovah figured out.
To a T.
Down to a science.
I was always ready for the ping pong game you would throw at me.

No more.
 Please forgive me for my arrogance.
Please forgive me once again for my self-righteousness.
Please forgive me for telling you "The Lie" and not "The Truth."

However today
 I know:
All authority is directed and given only by the Holy Spirit.

Today
I know:
I am a child of God.

Today
I know:

There is in store for me
a crown of righteousness which the Lord will award me, the righteous Judge.
Not man!

Let me ask you:

If "Not for Us?"
 If "Not for You?"
If "Not for Me?"
Then for who?

BELIEVE IT!
Believe His Word!
IT'S ALL FOR US!




Hebrews 4:12  Psalm 107:20
Psalm 119:89  Isaiah 40:8  1 Peter 1:25
Romans 13:1  1 Thessalonians 5:5   2 Timothy 4:8

*1Quote-from Beth Moore

*2 Quote-from Beth Moore

Leaving Your Family Behind

Family. 

What does yours look like?

 Is the relationship good, thriving, and growing?

Sure we all have our issues.

 I'm not talking about those petty trivial things.

  You wish your brother wouldn't do that. 

Or 

you wish the grandparents would take the grandkids more. 

 You've told them over and over but they just don't get it, they just don't listen.

Controlling or caring 

only you can say where your heart is truly at.

For me it's always a little of both.

Have you ever said, 

"Well you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family."

I know I have.  

Have you ever rejected your family, walked away from it all?

Have you ever said; 

 "I should divorce my family." 

Guilty, I've said that too.

You know all those things I've ever spoken, were out of anger, were out of hurt, and frustration.

It still didn't make it right or o.k. for me to say it.

What if you were being drawn by God to follow Him and leave your family behind.

Could you do it? Would you do it?

There comes a day when God begins to reveal truth to you.

  You are at a crossroads.

  You have just woken up to the very truth that all you have ever known is a lie.

  You come face to face with God and you cry out;

 I want to leave the organization, but I don't want to leave my family.

Why can't they see

Why won't they listen

 Why can't they understand 

what I am trying to show them?

 I love my family.

 Why can't they love me that same way and just accept me!

 I know they will disown me and shun me, who can bear that. I don't think I can!

YOU CAN!

God told Abram;

"Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land I will show you."

Is God calling you?

Jesus told us; "that a brother will betray his brother to death, a father will betray his own child...

And all nations will hate you because you are my followers.  But everyone who endures until the end will be saved."

Ok Lord, I give up my family, then what?

Jesus said;

"Everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life." 

Again Lord, let me get things all situated.

 Let me figure out how I'm going to do this.

 What I'm going say. Let me go back and do what I need to do. 

 I have to it's required.

Let me say good-bye, and then I'll follow you.

Jesus said;

"No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Ok Lord I have a lot at stack here.

You do He said, but what is the greater of the two your family or your life?

I do want to follow you, I really do but...

Jesus said;

"If people come to me and are not ready to abandon their fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as their own lives, they cannot be my disciples.

So those who do not carry their crosses and follow me cannot be my disciples."

"But don't begin until you count the cost.

For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost

to see if there is enough money to finish it?"

"If you love me, you will obey what I command."

Lord, you're allowing me to exercise my free will.

Your letting me make the choice.

You want me. Your calling me.

Now I have to decide.

Wait...

You love me?

Even after all...

Even after all I've done?

Even after falling and believing the lie?

Yes, all who are hungry receive my grace.

You're loving me, even before I decide.

Yes

Obey me and honor your family.

I am Jehovah Nissi your battle fighter, you only need be still.

Precious one:

There is one that sticks closer than a brother.  His name is Jesus.

Love Him with all your your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

Even though the journey is long, and it will be hard.
Jesus will see you through it all.

Genesis 12:1, Matthew 10:21-22, Matthew 19:29-NLT

Luke 9:62-NASB Luke 14:26-27 GWT Luke 14:28 NLT

John 14:15-NIV 1 John 4:19 NIV

Matthew 19:19-Ephesians 6:2

Exodus 14:14

Proverbs 18:24

Matthew 22:37

Logic

There was a time in my life 

that I was fully convinced I had all the answers.

Of course by all means

 it wasn't a pride thing, I just knew

 and you didn't.

I knew how to

 teach you

 tell you

 and train you

 on how to become one of God's chosen ones.

I had it ALL figured out!

There's 

a system

 a process

a working to get your way in.

How? 

Through 

logic

 through process of elimination.

By way of not questioning the answers given to me by man.

I knew that when you stumped me on a question

 that I didn't have the answer,

I wrote you off as 

"Worldly."

 A lost cause.

Or

"We'll see who wins in the end."

What arrogance I once had. 

 What pride. 

What righteousness. Self righteousness.

Logic:

Reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity.

I have always earned for greater knowledge. 

 I have always wanted an answer for everything.

Life was logical. 

Relationships were logical.

 God was logical.

Oh but God...

I like Nicodemus tried ever so hard to come to know Christ through logic, through human reasoning, through past beliefs, through process of elimination.

"Rabbi, we know that You have come from God as a teacher; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him." John 3:2-ESV English Standard Version

Makes Sense.

Logic:

Coming to God based off of what I know to be "truth."

Coming to God in my way, 

when I have everything sorted out.

Coming to God when I have all my knowledge put together.

All my ducks in a row.

I had a lifetime of old beliefs "logic"keeping me stuck and stagnant.

Hence, why I sat in limbo for 13 years!

I kept trying to understand through my mind

my eyes

my strength 

and my will.

Coming face to face with the question

"Do I believe Jesus was God?" "Do I believe Jesus is God?"

As I searched and read through scripture, that's all that would ever come up.

Everywhere I turned it was that one daunting question.

When I was all out of logic and ready to lose my mind

it was then that I slid my mind aside

and slide my heart in place 

and by faith not fully understanding believed.

Believed in 

Jesus as God!

When logic comes in...

  I tell myself

"By faith"...

Logic...

"By FAITH"...

Not by a system, not by works, BUT BY FAITH!

God saved you (me) by his grace when you (I) believed.  And you (I) can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we (I) have done, so none of us (I) can boast about it.  Ephesians 2:8-9 NLT (me, and I-my additions)

I BELIEVE!